What Am I Doing in My 20 - Somethings, and Where?

For the past three years, ever since I graduated from Delta State with my BA, I've been grappling with a couple questions in my life.  The first: should I concentrate more on music or continue my work in public service?  Thankfully I have learned that I do not have to compromise either. As long as I sustain my almost crazy determination and meticulous scheduling, I can give both the attention they require.  (I will be honest though, music does sort of take top priority. It is the only thing, aside from a very few good conversations with friends and family, that gives me chills, the good kind.) Just this past year I feel that I have grown exponentially in my musical ability.  I am now writing more mature songs, playing better improvised phrases with real feeling, improving my saxophone intonation and tone, and developing my keyboard skills.  At the same time I have been able to keep work with a large, regional non-profit with substantial backing. And I have received three promotions to where I am now a Project Manager, a position that requires a Masters degree or higher.  I am happy, grateful, and humbled to have achieved so much, especially in a place where many will say there is little hope or opportunity to accomplish your dreams.

The second question, however, is taking longer to answer: should I stay or go from the Mississippi Delta?

I've been thinking a lot more about this question recently.  I have some close friends around my age who are considering leaving the area and more than likely will.  And I have met some new ones who already have. The New York Times also posted an article about people in their 20-somethings earlier this week.  Take some time and read it, if not the whole thing, then the few introductory paragraphs.  My main concern at this point though is, rightfully, me.  By the time the New Year rolls around I will have been in Mississippi for 11 years and in the Delta for 8.  This is the longest I've stayed in one place, ever. (The act of moving isn't an issue.  As a child my family moved many times.  I am no stranger to moving and the paradoxical feeling of "upheaval" and "excitement" that the change can bring.)  In November I turn 26. I am single, I have no debt, I have a great job that brings about both short term and long term change as well as some good change in my pocket, and I am developing into a reputable and respected musician.    There are, however, a few things that I see as missing from the picture now: more formal education, being closer to my family, and the chance of meeting someone and eventually starting a family.  These are the things that I am thinking about now as I weigh the pros and cons of place.

A couple months ago I came across a book that is helping frame this question better.  It is Wes Jackson's Becoming Native to This Place.  His passages are some of the most powerful that I have recently read.  It is influencing my thinking and giving me the courage to "dig in."  You'll see what I mean, just read the following selections from his Prologue:

"...this book is a challenge to the universities to stop and think what they are doing with the young men and women they are supposed to be preparing for the future.  The universities now offer only one serious major: upward mobility.  Little attention is paid to educating the young to return home, or to go some other place, and dig in.  There is no such thing as a "homecoming" major.  But what if the universities were to ask seriously what it would mean to have as our national goal becoming native in this place, this continent. We are unlikely to achieve anything close to sustainability in any area unless we work for the broader goal of becoming native in the modern world, and that means becoming native to our places in a coherent community that is in turn embedded in the ecological realities of its surrounding landscape."

"....Think of what a shift would mean for our universities.  Today they hold the majority of our young people hostage for four years with the always implicit and often explicit promise of upward mobility.  For tens of thousands of students, the universities have become little more than holding pens that keep them off the job market, requiring them to devote millions of hours to turning out work too shoddy to be either useful or artistic.  Think about what is likely to be the eternal judgment of the generation now in power.  As the result of its excesses, this generation is likely to be the first, and for that matter, the last, after it has died off, at best to be regarded as simply comical and pathetic and at worst to be hated.  Isn't it time we begin figuring out a way to earn a living and amuse ourselves cheaply, which is to say with the least expense to our life support system?  The binge the developed world has enjoyed is about over.  It's time to find our way home and use what little time is left for partial redemption of this prodigal generation."

      "This resettlement will be no small matter.  It will have to be carried out by those who have a pioneering spirit, by those who see the necessity of such a dispersal, by those intelligent enough and knowledgable enough about its necessity that they will have the staying power.  What they will be up against is horrendously formidable: a society dominated by the rich and powerful, offering temptations to embrace the extractive economy that keeps our income and global nonrenewable resources flowing their way."

So, that's where I am now.

This is from a Sunday in late 2009.

On Sunday morning as I was eating my oatmeal with blueberries and honey, and sipping from a cup of french-pressed coffee, while sitting on the couch, feet propped on the center table, in our clean, quite house, I took the opportunity to watch a back log of podcasts from the Bill Moyers Journal. One of them was a conversation with Parker J. Palmer,  founder and senior partner of the Center for Courage and Renewal.  Their conversation centered on how to maintain spiritual wholeness even as the economy and political order seem to come apart. As I listened to it I could not help but be reminded of my relationship with happiness and reality.

In an earlier entry I disclosed my new appreciation of happiness.  While it is a deeply private matter, it is also interwoven with public life.  And our current public consciousness is much to ponder.  It embraces, paradoxically, great optimism and pessimism. It is important to understand how we each are affected by politics and public policy. Conditions now demand that we as citizens pause to reflect on our role in Democracy and act accordingly.

Developmental Democracy, a model of Democracy that I greatly favor, and think is implicit in American Democracy, understands that "participation in political life is necessary not only for the protection of individual interests, but also for the creation of an informed, committed and developing citizenry. [And] political involvement is essential to the 'highest and harmonious' expansion of individual capacities" (Held, Models of Democracy).  

(Not My First) Encounter with a Racist

I visited a local restaurant this evening to have a beer or two and listen to some music. I sat at the bar, well clad, and enjoyed myself.

Then a white man sat down beside me.

He asked me if I was from around here. (Wonder what prompted him to say that? I know and don't know at the same time.) I said yes. I told the man that I went to school and now work here. He smirked and rephrased the question: he asked me if I had lived in cleveland my whole life.  I said no. He smirked again. 

He then asked me what I thought of our president. I knew where he was getting at. I did what I shouldn't have: I played along. In a skeptical way I said that I didn't know, and asked for his opinion. He didn't disappoint. He called obama the 'nigger' president, and thought things were going to hell.  

The conversation continued accordingly.

I then left to go to the restroom (I didn't have to go) and returned to sit at the other end of the bar.

Pursuit of Happiness

On Friday I moved back to Cleveland, MS and the Mississippi Delta.  I did this because I accepted two part-time jobs with the Delta Health Alliance as a research assistant.  The first is on an electronic health systems study, and the second is on an obesity study.  I work from home to read and write, in Stoneville, MS (a thirty minute drive) about one to two days a week to meet with colleagues, and in various locations and times in Humphreys, Leflore, Sunflower, and Washington Counties to collect data or facilitate focus groups.  I will work in this capacity until July, when I may be offered a full-time position with DHA or move on to other employment opportunities.  

My job search in DC, however, is still ongoing.  I now have five more months to acquire new leads and expand my network.  I am also looking for policy/political work in Jackson, MS.  I am not as connected or as knowledgeable in any other state, so I may as well stay in Mississippi and attempt to contribute to its development.  Who knows what opportunities will be available over the next few months?  Who knows?  I realize more and more each day that I am really just along for the ride. 

I have reflected greatly on the process that I started around Thanksgiving: leave Mississippi and the South for good and move to Washington, DC to find a decent entry-level job on which to build a beautiful career. Things did not go according to plan, but probably for good reason.  While I am not in DC now, that doesn't mean that I won't get there eventually.  I tried and will continue to try.  But the lesson that I have learned throughout the process is this: I need to understand happiness before I pursue it.

More on that later.

Looking for Work

For the past three weeks I've been in Washington, DC looking for work. Where have I been looking? Under rocks, trash can lids, and newspapers left on the Metro - It seems that I may have more luck if I used this method.
(Why DC? Two years ago I served as an Intern with Senator Thad Cochran, R-MS. I worked with his staff and lived in DC for five months. I really enjoyed my experience and knew that one day I would return.)

Now I have returned, and am trying to get a job on 'The Hill,' as they say. I am interested in serving with a Democratic, possibly moderate Republican, Representative, Senator, Committee, or non-partisan Congressional agency. I am qualified for two positions: Staff Assistant and Legislative Correspondent. There are, however, three problems with the job search process on the Hill: connections, persistence, and timing.

On the first, I have connections. Through my work with Cochran's office and a top-tier Senate Campaign this past Fall, I have built relationships with several individuals on the inside. On the second, my ability to be persistent is limited. I have a modest savings that would not allow me to move to DC without, at least, acquiring a part-time job. On the third, timing is a mix of Lady Fortune and my level of persistence. Ms. Fortune would not be as much of a bitch if I planned on sticking around for a while.

This Monday I leave with Drew, whom I drove with here. I will not leave with my head down, but I will leave with a new perspective on the process.  I plan to continue my DC job search, but will need to make and save more money for a permanent move. I will report more on the details of my travails throughout the weekend.